One Year of Kazzie Athena

Monday, 20 July 2015

It is crazy that on this date one year ago, my very first blog post went live on this blog. I had originally started a blog on Wordpress but I didn't really gel with the set up for it and moved to Blogger a few weeks later and never looked back. My very first post here was a tiny makeup haul (3 items) and it was posted on July 20th, 2014. I wasn't the most articulate in it and I'm pretty sure that I sounded like an idiot trying to talk about makeup and why I bought the products that I did. It's insane that that was only a year ago. It feels like an absolute age but at the same time, it feels like yesterday. But what a year it has been! 

When I started my blog I originally had the idea that I wanted it to be about my makeup journey as I discovered new things, learned new skills and generally find my bearings in the big, beautiful world of makeup. I think that it still has that at it's core whilst also managing to show how much I've developed, learnt and ultimately grown. I like to think that my editing has grown in both my photography and design, my writing has grown and that I've started to find my voice and personality in my writing. I'm pretty sure that I sounded rather robotic and unsure in my early posts. 

What I have really noticed from this past year of blogging is how much I've come out of my shell. When I first started posting I felt as if I was struggling to make a single point or justify what I was saying. I felt as if I wasn't able to articulate anything effectively or even make it sound English. Whenever I would talk about makeup or fashion, I felt like all I could say was that, "I like the colour" whereas every blogger out there could probably write a two thousand word essay on the cut of a dress or why a particular foundation was epic or not-so-epic.

I felt as if that since I couldn't say anything worthwhile about it that I didn't have any right to be talking about it, you know? Who wants to read some weirdo's pointless comments? To be honest, I still struggle to write about makeup and fashion things without wondering if it sounds too trivial or, you know, stupid. 

But then, I found my voice and my feet and really opened myself up to the potential of my blog and ultimately found what I wanted to do with it to make it uniquely mine. I feel that the turning point for me was when I let my fangirl side really come out to play. My fangirl side has always been my happier and more confident side, if that makes any sense. Kazzie has been like an alter ego for me. Whenever I'm addressed as Kazzie or putting myself forward as Kazzie, I've always felt more confident, comfortable and secure in her voice and convictions. I'm unapologetic for my excitement when I'm expressing myself as Kazzie. When I made the decision to make my first post featuring Mary McDonnell, my blog really opened up to me. I had the best time creating that post and the excitement that came from the process of making that post was incredibly infectious that I couldn't wait to write the next post and the next and the next. 

My pageviews grew and as that grew, my excitement grew and I really wanted to do more and post more often. That's when I felt like I had enough confidence to create Fandom Friday. That really was when my creativity took off and I started to seriously have fun with makeup. Natural and wearable makeup looks seem to be more stressful for me because I feel like you have to make it look a certain way and have it appear just that, natural, or I feel like I do. When I started to truly play with makeup and colours that my confidence grew. I could see that I could use this colour and that shadow and this eyeliner and not look like a comic book character or a clown or that Grandma that you see in the supermarket with blue eyelids and red circles on her cheeks that's supposed to be blush. 

I've never been the most confident of people. I'm terrified of just going up to people and talking to them but put me on stage and I'm a completely different person. I'm the exact same with my blog now. I used to doodle eyes on paper in school and would always create looks with different colours that were crazy and different. I was drawing cat eyes before I even knew that that was what they were called Now, I'm actually creating those looks with actual makeup. It's crazy. If anyone had have told me that I would be doing that, I would have laughed or done this face. "Come on...Wind yer neck in!"

In the past year, I feel like I have grown so much in confidence and in creativity that I'm not scared of my makeup as I was before. I bought things way too early in my development to effectively them. Though, why should you ever be scared of makeup? It washes off! Now, whenever I have an excuse to do my makeup, I cannot wait to see what I come up with or what I want to try out - especially when it comes to Fandom Friday.

I've always been a fangirl - I have quite an obsessive personality so it was only natural that I would jump head first and want everything and anything and learn as much as I could as quickly as I could. What has surprised me is how I've been taken by it all. I love it. I love the creativity of it. I've always been a creative person, even as a child but I was never really interested in makeup. I did play with what makeup my mother possessed at the time and smeared it all over a little toy mirror. But as I grew up and saw girl's use makeup in high school, I grew to think it was about being vain blah blah blah because they were plastered in the stuff. Nothing could have prepared me for how utterly wrong I was. I love makeup. I love how it can change your confidence in a second or how creativity you can be with it. I know that I only do eye looks but I have seen people do INSANE things on their entire face and body with makeup. I've seen how beautiful natural looking makeup can be on television and film and how insane it can be too. My creativity little heart is thumping in my chest. I love how it evens out my skin tone and how it can make me look human and healthy. That's what really makes me reach for it. I don't to hide anything or create a fake version of myself. I want to improve upon myself and bring out that side of myself that has been trapped inside for so long. Does that make any sense? I hope it does. 

It has truly been an incredible year. I would say that it has been one of the happiest years that I've had in a long time where I feel like I've truly come into my own as a person and as myself. I've found my voice in what I do and don't like with regards to fashion and makeup, and found my confidence to speak my mind and to bring my imagination to life. Next, all I need to do is snag a dream/better job. 

I want to thank every single person that has ever come to my blog, even if it was just a passing glance. Words cannot express how much I truly appreciate it and how much it means to me to you've come here to this tiny little piece of the Internet. Thank you so so so so so so so much. I love you. 

I would also like to take a moment to thank those that have had to endure me going on and on about my blog and getting their opinion and input on posts. Your help has been truly invaluable and I cannot thank you all enough for putting up with me and my ramblings even if you have zero interest in makeup, fashion or the fandoms that I love. You're all amazing and I adore you! 

I hope that you continue to come back for another year of Kazzie Athena and see where we all are in another year. 

Love you all and thank you with everything that I have. You are amazing. Yes, you!

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